This site uses cookies. Some of these cookies are essential to the operation of the site, while others help to improve your experience by providing insights into how the site is being used. For more information, please see the ProZ.com privacy policy.
Cookie settings
Retención de IDE
obligaciones eventuales
Nov 4, 2019 14:52
4 yrs ago
2 viewers *
Spanish term

en su mirada siguió ardiendo una chispa de preocupación

Spanish to English Art/Literary General / Conversation / Greetings / Letters Romance Novel
Contexto:

Con una sonrisa, fue a buscar a Barrett para pedirle que prepararan el otro carruaje y ante la mirada preocupada del sirviente, decidió explicarle que iría muy cerca y que no tardaría más de un par de horas, pero que no podía decirle nada más. Barrett asintió, pero en su mirada siguió ardiendo una chispa de preocupación.

Gracias,

Barbara
Proposed translations (English)
4 +5 but there was still a hint of worry in his/her eye(s)
4 +1 but with a look of concern still lingering on his face
4 +1 there was still a flicker of concern in his eyes
4 but his persistent worried gaze said otherwise
4 but there remained a spark/glimmer of worry in his eyes
3 his/her eyes still reflected a hint of worry / a hint of worry still shone through his eyes
2 his gaze continuing to betray a smo(u)ldering ember of anxiety
Votes to reclassify question as PRO/non-PRO:

Non-PRO (2): Carol Gullidge, Yvonne Gallagher

When entering new questions, KudoZ askers are given an opportunity* to classify the difficulty of their questions as 'easy' or 'pro'. If you feel a question marked 'easy' should actually be marked 'pro', and if you have earned more than 20 KudoZ points, you can click the "Vote PRO" button to recommend that change.

How to tell the difference between "easy" and "pro" questions:

An easy question is one that any bilingual person would be able to answer correctly. (Or in the case of monolingual questions, an easy question is one that any native speaker of the language would be able to answer correctly.)

A pro question is anything else... in other words, any question that requires knowledge or skills that are specialized (even slightly).

Another way to think of the difficulty levels is this: an easy question is one that deals with everyday conversation. A pro question is anything else.

When deciding between easy and pro, err on the side of pro. Most questions will be pro.

* Note: non-member askers are not given the option of entering 'pro' questions; the only way for their questions to be classified as 'pro' is for a ProZ.com member or members to re-classify it.

Discussion

Adrian MM. Nov 6, 2019:
Eddie Cochran would have approved Literary vs. legal or techincal-scientific style is endearing as subjectively right within certain defined parameters. The asker has made up her mind and I, for one as a childhood fan of US rocker Eddie Cochran (joint idol with Gene Vincent), have no 'anxiety' accepting her decision ex post facto or after the controversial event.
David Hollywood Nov 6, 2019:
we can talk about this for hours on end but the bottom line is that "hint of worry/concern" does the trick
Domini Lucas Nov 6, 2019:
re natural or not @James My first impression was that the Spanish also puts together elements that are not necessarily natural partners. Which is why my own suggestions were very tentative. Your comment leads me to ask: @ Barbara Do you think the author is making a point of including chispa and ardiendo? And that this imagery needs to be maintained in the translation? Your draft suggests not, but I’m wondering whether this is part of your reason for posting the query? I should have asked this originally methinks!
Domini Lucas Nov 6, 2019:
@David Sorry - I should have added ray of concern to my section. Was rushing. Was an extra thought going round my brain. Have now amended. Agree re los grados de preocupación. Hard to judge from this end.
David Hollywood Nov 6, 2019:
La diferencia radica en la fuerza, por así decirlo, del verbo. "Worry" implica una preocupación mayor, que nos pone ansiosos, que realmente nos afecta. En cambio, "concern" implica una preocupación menor, o no a tal grado como "worry". ... - You worry too much.
neilmac Nov 5, 2019:
PRO query The plethora of lexical choices available makes this a PRO query IMHO.
Domini Lucas Nov 4, 2019:
his eyes still held a hint of worry/concern I also agree with Daniel on this.
Domini Lucas Nov 4, 2019:
@Barbara Hello again. All well here thank you. Our posts overlapped! Though I kept 'eyes' in...
Barbara Cochran, MFA (asker) Nov 4, 2019:
Hi Domini, Here's My Tentative Translation Hope all is well with you, too, Domini.

Here's my tentative translation of the passage:

"With a smile on her face, she went to look for Barrett so she could ask him to get the other carriage ready. When she saw the servant’s worried expression, she decided to tell him that she was going somewhere close by, and that she wouldn’t be gone for more than a couple of hours, but that she couldn’t tell him anything more than that. Barrett nodded his head, but there was still a hint of worry in his eyes."
David Hollywood Nov 4, 2019:
Carol comes in with non-pro but I think this merits a wee bit more and anyway it's not the end of the world lol
David Hollywood Nov 4, 2019:
anyway, there are many great minds out there on proz so let's see what transpires :)
Domini Lucas Nov 4, 2019:
mirada? Hi Barbara. Hope all's well with you. While pondering an alternative, am wondering what you have used for mirada in the previous sentence and whether you have reason to want to repeat the same rendering.
David Hollywood Nov 4, 2019:
I think we're on the same wavelength as we both work with translations and book writing and it's lovely to be in that :)
Barbara Cochran, MFA (asker) Nov 4, 2019:
Yes, I Agree... ...that these kinds of translations are extremely enjoyable. But some people, like those who consistently (predictable pattern) enter their "non-pro" at the bottom of the pages I create, don't seem to think so, or perhaps they're just just bothered by the fact that I obviously create so many of them for my clients.
David Hollywood Nov 4, 2019:
the nice thing about proz is that we are a global forum and the constant exchange of minds is elucidating and in the spirit of sharing
David Hollywood Nov 4, 2019:
love this sort of thing and I think we're ok with this rendering but maybe wait a while and see what else comes up

Proposed translations

+5
5 mins
Selected

but there was still a hint of worry in his/her eye(s)

I would say

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 7 mins (2019-11-04 14:59:40 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I know it means spark but you'll have to decide on the basis of your overall context and setting

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 8 mins (2019-11-04 15:00:42 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

maybe "glimmer" ... now that sounds better

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 9 mins (2019-11-04 15:01:37 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

although we English speakers associate "glimmer" with hope

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 18 mins (2019-11-04 15:11:31 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

forget "glimmer"
Note from asker:
David! Thanks so much for your confirmation! What you have entered is my working translation, exactly!
Peer comment(s):
agree neilmac : I'd consider "concern" instead of "worry"...
1 hr
and a good suggestion Neil
agree philgoddard
2 hrs
thanks Phil
agree Michele Fauble
3 hrs
thanks Michele
agree Domini Lucas
3 hrs
thanks Domini but I would stick with "hint" and "worry" or "concern" will be up to asker
neutral James A. Walsh : When's the last time you had "a hint of worry" in your eye? It just doesn't sound natural to me.
1 day 8 hrs
sounds fine to me James
agree MollyRose : hint of concern
1 day 8 hrs
thanks Molly and you all seem to like "concern"
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
+1
2 hrs
Spanish term (edited): en su mirada siguió ardiendo una chispa de preocupación

but with a look of concern still lingering on his face

"Barrett nodded, but with a look of concern still lingering on his face."

"Barrett nodded, but a look of concern still lingered on his face."

"Barrett nodded, but his eyes still held a hint/speck of concern."

Hope it helps!
Peer comment(s):
agree neilmac : Lingering... nice :-)
1 day 1 hr
Thanks! :-)
Something went wrong...
3 hrs
Spanish term (edited): en su mirada siguió ardiendo una chispa de preocupación

his gaze continuing to betray a smo(u)ldering ember of anxiety

Yes, make 'su mirada' the subject and re-arrange the 'sparks' accordingly.
Example sentence:

It snowed outside, but a smouldering ember of resentment kept me warm..

Reference:

http://www.proz.com/kudoz/spanish-to-english/art-literary/458395-es-una-chispa-contagiosa.html

Something went wrong...
+1
5 hrs

there was still a flicker of concern in his eyes

...
Peer comment(s):
agree neilmac : Flicker, glimmer, glint...
21 hrs
Thanks so much!
Something went wrong...
1 day 8 hrs
Spanish term (edited): pero en su mirada siguió ardiendo una chispa de preocupación

but his persistent worried gaze said otherwise

...would be my take on it.
Peer comment(s):
neutral Sara Cantrell : "Said otherwise" to me implies disagreement, which doesn't necessarily have to be the case with worry/concern. In my opinion. :)
12 days
Something went wrong...
59 mins

his/her eyes still reflected a hint of worry / a hint of worry still shone through his eyes

My initial thoughts if you want to capture some of the imagery in the original.
I am still pondering whether shone through collocates ok with worry (depending on whether that matters in context)

I also toyed with flickered but that suggests it is intermittent, which I don't think is the case here.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 hr (2019-11-04 16:08:07 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

shone through does feel a little more literary though

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 day 12 hrs (2019-11-06 03:20:52 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Or ray of concern
Something went wrong...
13 days

but there remained a spark/glimmer of worry in his eyes

One option, particularly if fire/sparks/flames are an important theme. If not, then some of the other, less literal options are good as well!

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 13 days (2019-11-18 05:31:14 GMT) Post-grading
--------------------------------------------------

"Concern" could also be a substitute for "worry."
Something went wrong...
Close search
Term search
  • All of ProZ.com
  • Term search
  • Jobs
  • Forums
  • Multiple search